During August, ’07, an ex-wife in Russia, intentionally pouring of a boiling substance scalded the ManHood of her former husband. The occurred while the guy was watching a TV show. But if one has an Ex-wife, undoubtedly Ex-husbands can learn some valuable lessons from one Russian steaming, drenching saga.

     First, what TV show is so compelling that man would ignore a transient, broiling caldron? Witches and inquisitions have used these instruments for centuries. Even if you are that deep into sports, what game, racing event or boxing match glues you to a TV? Suppose you have a porno flick flashing, and doing what guys do. Surely, you would notice an angry ex-wife sneaking up with a pitcher of boiling, sizzling liquid.

     Second, If you are stark, bare-butt naked, wouldn’t you be aware of any one else present? How proud can you be flashing your manliness? If your partner happens to be an Ex-wife in the kitchen, are you expecting HER to fetch you TV snacks? You suppose your hairy body is so appealing even SHE can’t resist what you got and she’s already had?

     Third, are you seated on your couch or Her couch? Is this your pad or HER place? Let’s guess that she has invited you there to "talk". But, what was the cause of the divorce, and can you imagine she has new magic words for you; hasn’t her lawyer pretty much laid out dollar amounts and expectations?

     Fourth, Who is really at fault that your penis got seared, scalded and blistered? Since you knew that she was not very thrilled concerning previous events, you stuck it out there. Now, she got close enough to take away the one thing she really wants. Surprise: you don’t get any, but she MADE you!

     Fifth, Who called 911 or an emergency operator, and what was reported? " Help! My penis is being scalded in a soup kettle; somebody has the balls to pour scalding liquid on my private parts; Help me! I’m not dicking around, because my ex –wife toasted my pants, etc".

     What can you do waiting for paramedics? You can’t roll into a fetal ball, nor can you "touch" Mr. Wiggley. More immediately, how quickly are you able to find ice for a cold application? Maybe you could crawl into the bathroom, plop in a tub of cold water with legs eschews. The most obvious option is writhing and screaming profanities.
     Watch it; how near-by is your Ex-wife during painful action? Is she laughing, gloating, cursing, or going after a second batch of boiling brew?

     Sixth, Who do you trust at the emergency room, lying face-up on a gurney? Would you prefer a female or male nurse to attend your blistered dong? When those glistening cutting scissors flash, moving down toward your seared wonder, should you focus on the steel blade, the gloved hands, the smile behind the mask, or the sniggering chuckle the nurses emit?
     Seventh, Have you even considered how and where a local anesthetic will be administered? Or having a tube slid up your fried pickled pickle’s urethra? The mental image is classic lying on a hospital bed, bandages around your frontal area, wearing diapers, and a drain tube snaking under your bed.

     Eighth, A dilemma about personnel preference occurs the moment you enter the hospital. Would you really want a cute, attractive gal nurse, who daily changing your dressing, or a Baltic, hefty, hair-on her chin nurse handling your business each day? Which one will tell the biggest tales about you?

     Ninth, Suppose you are not circumcised, how does scabbing and healing play in recovery? Or suppose you are circumcised, how does scabbing and healing work as time marches on? Next, walking must cause pain; maybe a wheelchair is your answer. Naturally, as you wheel along with legs wide apart, friends will ask, " what accident were you in?" But your Ex-wife probably will volunteer to cart you around.

     Finally, Think of the stories you can tell! This might be a springboard for great pick-up lines. Perhaps, there is a cook book in this heinous happening:
     A. Stories I could tell about my injury, such as--- I was captured & tortured by enemy forces in Afghanistan; I was in a motor cross race, when the gas tank caught fire; There we were in bed, when the mattress caught fire, and I carried her though flames; I was climbing a tall tree, when lighten struck; Someone asked me if I smoked after sex; I was working in a diamond mine, when someone yelled, "fire in the hole", or while skiing last winter, I slid down the slopes, through the lodge doors, landing in the blazing fireplace."
     B. Great pick-up lines for attracting "ladies"--- use your own manly imagination; make invites for personal viewing ( a Paid per view) include an admission charge.
     C. Titles for future cookbook publications--- Sweetbreads Battered; Yoga Baking; Hickory, Dick-muesli or Doc; Stewing Long Meats; Her favorite Para-Teets; Bubbling Brews with Two; Mince Pies and other Incrustations; Hot hands-on/Hands-off Broiling; Sausey Hot Pockets; Smokers: Waiting To Exhale; Cooking with WHINE; Deep Frying Penises; If you knew Sushi Like I Know Olga; Roasting Your Chestnuts on an Open Fire, Wondrous Holiday Hot Pockets of St. Dickless, or Steaming: The Manly Art of Scalding Skin.