You can remember those old crank wall phones in the 30’s & 40’s. They were wooden boxes with a metal mouthpiece, a long cord to a big black receiver, and a little hand crank. There was a single direct line connecting houses to it. Folks would "Rrrring" someone with a short and two longs, three shorts and a long, etc. When any phone rang, every phone hooked to that line jingled. Anyone could listen to any on-going conversation, such as.…" Walt, …seen my old spotted souse? She rooted under the west fence; she’s a goner. But if you see her in your turnips, will ya’ pen her fer me?"

In my mind’s eye, I can see mom, aunts ,cousins and neighbors racing to pick up as they listened for gossip. Everyone knew others were listening in, and conservation was guarded. In the hurry of catching anything juicy, bowls were dropped, wet flour wiped on aprons, babies put on the floor, supper burned, etc.

With today’s wireless phones communicating is endless. Without a care, personal business, secret deals, or any form of verbal garbage is vomited upward and outward toward someone. Yet, today’s wireless phone talk has come full circle! Last week I overheard a man describe an interment tryst:

"Hi. You back in the office now? You have the sexiest voice;;; Yep. I’m back from California;;; Had to come back, because I learned about my new four year-old daughter;;; That’s right. A four year old daughter from a motel one night stand;;;
How did it happen? It was easy. I told a girl I just met in a bar that I loved her. She was really good looking, and I promised to marry her if she would spend the night;;; We checked into the motel, had sex, and I left for work in the morning;;; Never saw her again until the papers were served. Since I had to pay child support of $ 150 per week, I came back."

In D.C., Congress is actually concerned about the CIA, the FBI, and local police eavesdropping on cell phone conversations! The far-left politicos and the ACLU have law suites against law enforcement. In actual places and in real time, haven’t you listened to people walk down the street in public spouting embarrassing encounters? There have been conversations between attorneys’ like " WE SUE! That S.O.B doesn’t have a leg to stand on, etc." Four letter words slip from tongues that would peal paint off walls, or where to find a hidden key to open a front door. Open conversations include topics of breast sizes, legs, panty hose, and thoughts about kinky, cheating, and nasty Ex-husbands.

Unlike the old-time wall phones with attached cords, new wireless allows "hand’s free". Lookers can watch idiots, oblivious about where they are, yelling profanities into space, waving both hands, or having a dialog with a sign post. There is something very weird, an Owellian "1984" guise. Big Brother maybe watching, but they don’t care with a strange ear piece attached to an ear or a microphone hooked across their head, protruding in front of the mouth. Plus, many are a menace to society, where talking is more of a priority than personal safety. A wireless lets a driver have their cell on one ear, one hand over the lower face and an elbow, which blocks half a view. Males talk using one hand, write or eat with the other hand, and look at cute chicks. Females’ talks using one hand, put on lipstick with the other, and change shoes with their feet.

A research report in 2006 shows the difference between male and female talking. The report concludes men speak about 3,000 words per day; women speak about 5,000 words per day. From personal experiences, this data is flawed, because my wife uses her 5-K before lunch.

One of my favorites is people shopping! Have you seen some poor husband in a grocery store standing hopelessly in front of shelves of bread? He is talking to his wife asking advice about which loaf to buy. There are only 3 basic kinds: white, wheat and rye. Add in the factor that new cells take pictures. Add another shopping twist: wife & husband shopping in a furniture department. He is taking photos of furniture on his cell phone, while she is jabbering about dimension, finish, size and stuff that never gets broadcasts.

But here’s the question. If the husband chooses the WRONG bread, is he wrong for ‘listening’ to his wife; is the couple worried that by-standers might think their furniture selection is too funky?

All of this action over phone talk reminds me of the old-time ringers, where folks would literally drop everything to listen in. As it was difficult to keep phone secrets back then, so it today…. Opps, have to go. My cell is beeping, and I’m on the can…Have to flush first, wipe, and catch this incoming.