"She’s always right"

Appreciating distinct differences between husband and wife Wife and husband isn’t too subtle. Simply examine their morning or evening rituals such as tooth brushing. Each squeezes the same tube of toothpaste differently; each applies toothpaste on the brushes differently; each brushes his/her Her/his teeth differently; each expectorates differently, and each cleans the mouth differently. The toothpaste tube test becomes a metaphor mirroring every action in every situation on every day:

  • I squeeze toothpaste from the bottom of the tube, while she squeezes from the middle. Every time I need to use toothpaste, I force that lower part of the paste into the upper section in order to release some. When she uses the tube, she has a full body of paste to press into two halves, leaving a limp tube of separated goo.
  • Whenever a toothpaste tube gets reasonably empty, I want to toss the thing in the trash. But here is how she handles our empty toothpaste tube. She will squeeze it in the morning; squeeze it in the evening until it is wrinkled, flaccid, and sucked dry.

Quality or "What is beauty"? Beauty rests on being personal, intrinsic, and ethereal. For a guy a freshly polished new car, a great halfback making run, double-headed steel hammer or a female model in a bikini is beauteous. For a gal, having her hair "done" in a salon, wearing matching shoes and purse, finding a great sale item, or matching furniture with a room’s color.

  • I think it is a beautiful thing when a wrench fits the tap that has to come off; she knows it is a beautiful thing each newspaper edition publish coupons for shopping in her favorite stores.

"Beauty lies in the eyes f the beholders" or says the sages. In reality, it about territory and wants. The jeans I wear are less valuable than Hers; the ballpoint pen I use writing is less valuable. Plus, Her things take more space. Let’s say that I come home from work, sitting some of my office work on the counter. She will nicely ask, " Is this your stack of papers on My counter? I was wanting to do a decoupage project on that exact spot six weeks form today."

Or maybe there is a lunar eclipse happening in the night sky. It is a unique; it only happens once in ten-millennium and all nine planets are visible to the naked eye. Excitedly, I explain and invitingly speaking," Come. View this natural wonder happening before our eyes!" Then, she replies, " Maybe later, dear. I’m putting on a coat of paint on my toenails. They have to match my fingernail polish."

A Qaug, where black is white. During last night’s sleep, I dreamed our house was haunted. Ghosts and spirits were living in the ceiling. The lights shut off, then on. A weird snarling sound issued from a hanging fan. SHE became hysterical wanting these spirits immediately exorcised by a Roman Catholic priest and Jewish Rabbi. My response was to call an electrician to check house wiring. Then I woke up to my own snoring, which sounded just like those under the fan. Checking if my noise had disturbed her, I saw she was sleeping soundly, not hearing a sound uttered.

By  Dick Kettle
 

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